Moms do the most "Mom-Shaming"
As a first-time mom, I don't know how many times I've had other moms frown at me for how I chose to do things for my then baby. Surprisingly I am still getting stares on how I am raising my very active two-year-old toddler. As moms, we go through so much mom shaming!
Moms cast the biggest shame on other moms.
A friend of mine is expecting her first child. And during our conversation, she casually mentioned she would not be breastfeeding her baby. As a mom of a two-year-old girl, I was appalled. My immediate response was to talk her out of it. I did my best to convince her of the benefits hoping she would reconsider her choice. I made it about me, and not once did I stop to check why she had come to that decision.
Moms with kids think they know all things about parenthood.
For a while, I felt I knew everything there was to know about babies. Well, particularly toddlers. My daughter is two years old; do you see where I am going? And yes, I know everything about my child. Especially the terrible twos we are going through. We forget as moms that our experiences will not be the same as the next mom. Sometimes as moms, we can't help ourselves.
We always want to share our "mom stories." And maybe a bit of advice and tips that have worked for us with our kids. I will admit that sometimes we tend to think our personal experiences are the only way of doing things. The urge to share expertise and advice comes naturally, but it needs to remain "advice you share" and nothing more. It's important to remember that we can never do things the same way as the next mom. And expecting other moms to do that is a little unfair. The reality of it is that as moms, we do experience the most mom-shaming.
"The urge to share expertise and advice comes naturally, but it needs to remain 'advice you share' and nothing more."
You don't have to take every advice you get.
My toddler mom friend recently gave me a call to check what multivitamins I gave my daughter. I guess she wanted to get perspective and guidance on what to use for her girl. I shared what I used for my daughter, but I also told her there were various products she could consider. I in no way expected her to use what I use for my girl.
As a mom, you quickly realize that raising a child takes a village indeed. Research, advice, and support from family and friends are crucial to keep a level head. And because we want what's best for our kids, we naturally want to give them just that.
I have learned; to share my mommy challenges and wins without the expectation of moms using them. What you do, how you do it for your child, is good enough. There is no perfect way to raise a child. We are doing what works/suits our kids. Your advice might work for someone and, at the same time, be redundant for my child. It's essential to do what speaks to you.
We learn as we go when raising our kids.
I am raising a girl who challenges me to my very core. I don't know how many times I've made mistakes, but I tell myself I will do better tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning and on the verge of losing my mind. It's so easy to lose yourself in the drama of being a working mom and a wife. I think what works for me is understanding that I am not perfect at all, and because of that, I will make mistakes. I have learned to find my method of doing things. As she grows, I am learning, and she is doing just as much.
"I am raising a girl who challenges me to my very core. I don't know how many times I've made mistakes, but I tell myself I will do better tomorrow."
The reality is that we don't see eye to eye as parents.
We have different influences in life, and they are what drive us to do or act in the way we do. It's no surprise that we would want to do things a little different from any other mom. I think at some point in my Mommy journey, I was a mom-shamer. I only realized when I felt the other moms were being unfair towards me. I was casting stones while I comfortably sat in my glasshouse.
I would love to hear from you. Please share your mom-shaming stories below.